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J. Stephen Rhodes // Poetry

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This New Never

This new never is quiet enough to fill a hundred caves

with monks. The wind rushes up from our pasture,

bends the pines and brings no news. I whisper

your name and look at your picture on the desk,

the one where you smile like the Little Flower

of Lisieux, willing your pain into someone else’s joy,

if only you could decode the mysterious how.


You’ve been gone two months in this new forever

where I can’t call you Sunday afternoons

to talk about your last college course, on silence,

a subject we both longed to comprehend and

entered in awkward minutes when we didn’t know

what to say from the desert inside, each of us

craving the sound of wind across the mouths of caves.


Some days I swear not to eat. Then you make me break

my vow. You say, in my head, don’t be stupid, and I want

to retort, the way you were, but don’t because you hurt

enough, your eyes tired of looking for I’ll-never-know-

what but perhaps a visit with one of your obscure poets

who helped you think yourself to that beach in Mexico

where you sat alone with the black dog watching the surf.

I look for any ever or always where you might be hiding,

your little girl self leaning out from behind the black oak

in our front yard, you in your pink and yellow dress

playing peekaboo with me. I listen to the sky. In the quiet

you speak: I’m not there, buddy. No dice. But I’m OK.

 
     
 
 
 

Before taking up writing full-time, J. Stephen Rhodes served as the academic dean of Memphis Theological Seminary and as a Presbyterian pastor. His poetry has appeared in Shenandoah, Tar River Poetry, The William and Mary Review, and The International Poetry Review. He is currently working on a book dealing with the relationship between service and self-care and is seeking publication of his first book of poetry. He lives with his wife, Ann, on a farm in south central Kentucky.

 
     
 

Date of Publication: 01 May 2008

 
 


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