A Finn's Ribbon

1

Alone without a book or cookie or tea. There are a thousand lakes. My
American Mimi was actually French. They sent me home for spelling my name
wrong. There were always dictionaries on the shelf. We rented a house across
from a Roman Catholic church. Cemeteries should always be immaculate. Äiti
pulled weeds on her hands and knees. We ate makkara from the grill. The sun
always sets, never going down. Minun, my, sister told on me for giving her the
finger. We lived with Mimi while Hanna-mumma died. She pulled weeds
from the stone. Minun nimi, my name, is never right. The others always look
fair. Never being disciplined overseas. Rachel could never say ö. She had dark
hair and was on a soap opera. Soiled with some clear yet testable broth. A man
questioned me about my bag. My sister collected rocks. A sawmill lost in the
forest, across the road from a farm. You could never think to ride your bike
alone in the dark. I gave chocolates to my third grade class, lying that they cost
a hundred dollars. Then they were only words. The glaciers looked like clouds.
A tide doesn’t always recede.

2

A blue car and a snow storm. It is dark all the time. Hannes-paappa looked
funny standing naked in the shower. Everything smelled like pig shit. It sounds
like pa.skaa. Rooting against the Russian’s. He didn’t have a penis. Smell of
sweat. The ski wax was blue and spelled like crayons. Then she jumped off
and I flew in the air. My cousin tried to comfort me with red dots. An immense
black dog that could save drowning children. Mimi and Pipi had a pontoon that
was always docked thirty feet from shore. I lied in bars. After the War they
were free and the world was free. I spent ten markka while my äiti fought a
blue suit. On my fifth birthday, I had a room that wasn’t green. We hung the
flag after the midsummer festival. You have to cut a pig’s teeth when they are
born. England is very expensive, sucks you dry. Minun nimi on, my name is,
in a song only without my name but still being me. A rock and roll singer. A
rock and roll singer with a mean guitar. Älä, don’t, do that. The bus stopped
when I gave her the middle one. My half-tongue left lapping at the bottom of
Hannes-paappa’s dirty boot. She hoped the sweat wouldn’t stain the price tag
of her new dress. I hate you cousin. Spent hours over the cast iron playhouse
stove. I want to eat you Suomi with your sisu. Soiled with some clear yet
testable broth. Ezra’s anti-Semitic tongue lapping at the crest. The bay was
over my head at about 3 feet. Poetry seemed big written in big words.

3

An ivory wall plate with gold trim. My second name isn’t spelled with a ph.
Not a stupid girl who can’t spell. J is said like why. You learn these things.
Like. Spells casting the Vikings back. There is a castle on my wall. The sun
never goes down, it sets. A mandatory six week vacation in July. Minä, I,
threw grain in bins. Cement pool built after independence. My flag is blue and
white. Red is candy that I chew up. Caught a ten inch perch off the channel.
Bloody Mary at midnight in the backyard while our parents drank vodka. I’m
embarrassed again by my mouth. Then they were only words holding the
weight of action. She held my other hand all the way back. Wonder Woman
for the third consecutive season. Subtitles on airplanes. There were half read
books everywhere. Bookmarks make good paintbrushes. Mimi said that her
father, my other Pipi, read newspapers in French. I never called him isä.
Earlier I put her on her hands and knees. We drink tea after dinner. The bed
was very small. My äiti fears mice because they crawled on her in the old
house. Princess stalked the banks, frequently licking her paws. Soiled with
some clear yet testable broth. Baggy tights and a notorious church recital. I
could sing before they took my dark side away. Then they were only words.
You have to scoop the ice from the hole constantly looking to the bottom. You
have to scoop the ice from the hole or else it will freeze over.

4

Kalevala is a castle. A broken mirror, superstition, wanting a black cat. Years
later she said that he called every day with his bag of change, but it didn’t
matter to her. The real story hurts but makes my own luck real. Ice cream
should always be cut vertically with a knife. Wading to the adult depths,
watching her cut the cattails with her sickle. Two spirits reside in and around
your body; appear like dots. I see him in the distance. New shoes always stand
out. We are masters of the ski jump. Hiding behind the truck seats trading
clothes. Bringing home a raven’s feather candle ring. The taste of chocolate.
A girl is a girl is a girl. Minä rakastan, I love, the smell of gasoline. Driving or
dare I say steering the truck on his lap. “Sex is like snow, you never know how
many.” Squatting on the sink in fear of a snake. Most people have fur in their
boots. That year I found out there was no Santa. Never completing the
assignment for fifty lines of iambic pentameter. Never learning to correctly
close my syllables. My body didn’t move when I cried. The sound of takeoff
rivaling the screaming young family in coach. A cross made of dyed beans.
They converted the upstairs of the house thinking that he would live.
Masturbation. A staggering sequence of photo ops. I cast a spell more than
once that came back thrice. The way a word can never be translated. Latin high
mass offered once a year during the midnight ceremony. The house with my
ghost. Trying to eat with a spoon that which is so much easier to drink. Some
clear yet testable broth. Minun nimi on blank.

Tanja Sofia Krupa